Fear of Commitment

We have always heard about the chemistry factor in relationships. You have to have chemistry. I think most of us would agree to that statement. Chemistry though means nothing, if we do not know how to read it. Chemistry is also tied to our intuitive gut feelings, which can help you when seeking a relationship. I have become aware of two types of gut reactions to the chemistry link with others. I have broken them down into two categories. That intense feeling you get upon meeting someone, where you would just run away with them in a heartbeat, and the other kind where the intensity is a sparkle, but not yet a consuming flame. With the first type, it is overwhelming how many are commitment phobic. It took me awhile to realize that insane intensity is also a warning that I am about to enter a relationship that will offer me the unattainable man. The man who is afraid of commitment. This type of relationship will keep me seeking to have their approval, acceptance and companionship, and all my effort will be met with rejection. This knowledge has been a blessing, for it is the Universal Conscious tapping me on the shoulder and giving me a warning.

The other type of chemistry, where there is a sparkle of interest, has always provided me with companionship, sharing, interest in me, and a healthy relationship. I am not forever trying to get them to commit, or waiting for the day they will see commitment to me is safe. It never happens with those types of men. Those who enjoy relationships know how to kindle the spark, and slowly pull you in.

As a professional psychic, I have met clients who have fallen deeply for the first type, and have explained this in detail. If interested you may read about it here; http://reneeabbott.hubpages.com/hub/Look-at-love-through-the-Lovers-and-Devil-Tarot-Cards This hub is to bring you more into why we are attracted to a certain chemistry and what you can do to rectify it.

A deep over powering chemistry can be a signal for an area in your life where you did not feel completely nourished. One way to look at it is your ego trying to go back in its’ personal history to fix this area. We cannot get that person in our past, be it a parent, family member, friend or lover, to freely embrace us completely, so if we can with this person that wound will be healed. It never works that way though, and we again enter this vicious cycle of seeking approval through rejection. Yes, you are setting yourself up for rejection, yet it isn’t rejection from the new person; instead we will enter this type of relationship in all hopes to fill the void the person in the past left us. We turn down those relationships, which only offer a sparkle, yet can give us what we seek, because we are unconsciously obsessed with mending the pain of our past. This always comes down to the choice of unconditional love or obsessive love, which I explained in detail in this hub: http://reneeabbott.hubpages.com/hub/Look-at-love-through-the-Lovers-and-Devil-Tarot-Cards

There is an interesting factor in all this, even if you have entered a relationship that began with a sparkle, and experienced a good relationship, it will not heal that rip within your heart. I thought it would, yet discovered after my late husband’s death, I was attracted again to those who ignited my flame completely within an instant. After going from one relationship to another over the years, after I became a widow, I had to sustain in entering any relationship to figure out the why to my insanity. It has taken me almost a year and a half to understand this insanity. I started first with self-love. In doing this, the whole in my heart began to mend. I was able to commit to healing myself, being available to myself and loving me. These were the three elements I was always seeking, but only I could completely heal this rip. I had a lot of help, from certain books, which will be listed at the end of this hub.

Self-love is essential. You cannot go back and change circumstances in your past. You cannot get someone to love you as you always wished. You can though go back and change your perspective of those events. This is done through forgiveness. These suggestions I have done. I have come to a new crossroad in my life, which offered a total understanding for the chemistry between someone and me, and what that chemistry is trying to relay. It all comes down to one point; where do I wish to spend my energy? It is always a choice. Is it wise to love someone who cannot love you back? That depends on what love is for you. I can love someone, who has a relationship phobia, because of who he is, but I will not invest my energy in focusing on the lack. Lack here can mean not seeing him, hearing from him, plans cancel and I am sure I can list a host of other statements, but I am sure you understand. The other option I do have is to invest my energy in giving me all that I am seeking from someone else. This is what I did choose to do and discovered a wealth of options to offer me. My days and nights are full, and yes I am single. I am also open now to those type of relationships that offer a sparkle that can grow. My body, mind and spirit will tell me which type I am interested in, so now I am aware of the signal. This is a wonderful tool to have possession of, and I am sure you do possess it.

In parting words, I hope this hub has been of aid to you. If you see yourself in these paragraphs, do not beat up on yourself. Awareness is an awesome event, and it comes to us gently. Take the time to learn how you need to apply self-love, for this is more of a journey then a destination. I have begun to refer to my journey as an adventure. In using this word, tomorrow doesn’t need to come with a promise. I will be ready to embrace whatever appears for my day. Adventure to me is gratitude in the ability to have been given a new day to explore. I do not have the need to enter any relationship with a noncommittal personality. They will not change, and I do not have the need to try to change them. I have been set free.