How to surrender your ego to the Divine?

Why am I looking for this or that outside myself?

Have you ever felt lost in your life? Do you feel you need to find something outside yourself to remedy this? I believe we all do this from time to time. I know I have. This can steam from an event that has happened in your life, and actually it occurred just two months ago, in my life. An ending of a relationship sent my life spinning out of control.

This past week I kept feeling like I am going nowhere. These past two months I often felt I was walking in circles. This would happen upon arising and when I went to bed I would toss and turn as I reviewed the day. There was not a single day that I did not start and end the day looking for and not finding something outside myself to feed my ego substance. I was looking for solutions outside of me, or so I thought to take away the betrayal I felt by my ex-boyfriend. There never was anything to satiate my ego, so every night I went to bed hungry, and every morning I awoke depleted of energy.

I became an energy vampire. Everything I came in contact with, I tried to pull its’ energy into me. It did not matter if it was a book, music, television or people; I was trying to feed my energy. I could not stop my craziness in trying to replenish myself with everything outside of me. All the lessons that I have been privileged to learn from the group that I channel (automatic writing with a group of spirits) was discarded. I could not go within, since my ego went into the conductor mode. When the ego leads your life, it must seek approval from outside itself. I knew this, but I could not stop it, until recently.

Perhaps it was a mixture of being a zombie and a vampire, I knew I had enough. I, my spirit, must take control of me, and take back the reigns of control from my ego. After two months of letting my ego reign in control, it had totally depleted me of any self-respect. The hunger became excruciating. The need to align the outside world to fit me was killing me within. I had to stop this insanity, but how? Prayer and asking for Divine help became my answers, and my way out of the turmoil that my ego insisted in keeping me.

Asking for Divine help might seem easy, but in doing so we cannot pray for what we want. The reason behind this is it is our ego praying. This can only keep us in our delusion mentality. Praying for Divine help is the act of surrendering our ego. We let go of manipulation. When we do this, the cosmic breadcrumbs begin to fall. It is up to us to follow them or not, however in choosing to not be also invites in those cosmic 2x4 smacks. The Divine, our angels and spirit guides will not let us off the hook so easy, after we have surrendered. We can feel resistance, but it is best to keep in mind it is our ego trying to get back its’ control. The ego never willingly releases command. The interesting part of my bread crumbs was they led me back to the channel information once given to me by the Crystal Fairies and a book that I read a couple decades ago-Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.

I must continue to surrender my ego’s will, and follow the path the Divine has placed me on daily. It is not always easy, but I have noticed now I have found my center again, instead of trying to take others’ energies to fill me up. I am now turning away from those outlets that my ego felt would feed me. These outlets are not bad or negative; they though are not being used by me as a way to heal. I have stopped using them as a way to get attention for my ego. My need to do this daily has now been replaced with normal conduct of my spirit. There might be times during the day where I do feel the struggle of my ego, and it is at those times that I must consciously decide to go into prayer and meditation. This does help me to align myself again with the core part of me-my spirit. Now I awaken with a spark of life again, and I go to bed with the knowledge that I have let my spirit guide me, verses my ego. I have lived my life in the best way I can for the day. This day was spent in grace.

This is not an easy measure, but it sure does beat living as a zombie and vampire. It also makes living more enjoyable, since outside is not responsible for making me feel worthy. My worthiness comes now from within, versus the constant search outside of me. I am quieter now, and am not govern by negative responses. I have taken back my life, and today is a good day.