How Do You Cope being a Shut-In

How do you cope as a shut-in?

Time can create some major changes in our life style. We can go from having loved ones around us and a very busy schedule to becoming a shut-in at a blink of an eye. Life takes on a new meaning, and what was important in the past fades away. Those we have loved and created a new life and family with might fade away. Friends of the past eventually just stay just that-friends of the past. Connections are lost and though the memories remain, we know that it can only stay a memory.

You might become more stand-offish due to feeling overwhelmed by life. All you seem to experience is a day empty of human contact and voices speaking only of their problems. Their day to day activity seems to never reach your ears, just the echo of their pain. This eventually will start to make your nerves raw, for all you are experiencing is others’ pain. One day you might wake up and realize you have become a shut-in. You might have no transportation to do things, and you must count on someone just to get you to the store. Your life becomes bleak and your yearning for human contact leaves an ache to your heart, for your present choices are not many, and to some they might seem to not exist.

We seldom hear about these shut-ins. If we are aware of someone like that, we tend to push their plight out of our mind. The reality is there are people who do live this type of life, and I know because I am one. This blog though is not written to bring sympathy; instead it is to help those who are to find their way to a quality life. It can be done, because we still have a choice to embrace this period with love or disdain.

How do you cope when you are a shut-in? You have to be selective each day on what you will focus on. Be diligent on this practice for it is what will make you enjoy life. Our past is over, and only the memories remain. To live in those memories only though will prevent you from writing new chapters of your life. This is cheating you out of living. I have many lovely memories regarding my late husband, with our daughter and our friends. These memories are cherished, but cannot be relived. He for one is gone. I am in a different state from our friends and my daughter is now a grown woman with her own life. People have moved on, and if you remain in your pages of the past, you will miss the present and future moments with them. Do not also hold them prisoner of your memories, which is also called manipulation. Leave the past and begin writing new chapters.

Protect yourself through making choices of who you will have in your life. If a person only sees you as someone to confine it, think hard about that. Yes, it may seem like an honor at first that they trust you, but if nothing else is shared, and then what really is the dynamic of this relationship? When you are a shut-in, it is even more important to be picky on what you will allow in your life. If a friendship or love relationship is so unbalance that all it brings is negative emotions to you, than ask how this really serves you. Yes we all need someone to talk to about our problems, but we need so much more. We cannot afford to live constantly in a world of troubles, for eventually your days and nights have become consumed with pain. As you choose your friends and relationships, remember too that they are not there to hear only about your problems.

Shut-ins do have choices. In my case, moving to a place where I can get on to public transportation has to be a must. If you are like me and do not drive or own a car for a variety of reasons, then work out a plan where you feel you can be more independent. Even if we have family or friends that can take us somewhere, it still leaves us not able to go as we please. I remember when my father’s eyesight prevented him to drive. He had to count on mom to take him. His feeling of being totally dependent on someone caused him to feel depressed. Sometimes we have to be dependent on another, but we still need to have some form of independence. If you are living alone and knowing very few people in your areas, it is even more vital. Even with our limitations, something can be worked out. We just need to do the ‘foot work’ to find out what is available. Actually doing this will take less energy than feeling sorry for your existence. We have a choice here on how we will exist. We must take an active role in doing so.

How you do cope with being a shut-in depends solely on you. I do things that I love to do and have passion for doing. I also do have access to the internet at any time I wish. I can put this into good use. There are people I can instant message or even talk too through Skype. There is a lot of information on the internet that I can educate myself. Yes, it does not make up for human contact or a hug, but it is better than nothing. Those days when it gets harder, I can honor this, but I cannot permit myself to give-up. I must always remember this is temporary, and life creates changes. It is me though who is writing my own book, so my actions and reactions will cause my pages to get filled or remain blank.

If you are a shut-in, do not take it personal. Do take it as temporary moment of emotions, when you are feeling depressed. Do look for alternatives that will help you live in the present. Embrace your memories, but do not exist in them only. Put your mental book of memories on your mental book shelf, and create new memories today. Yes, it is hard being alone, and often without no human physical contact. Actually this is painfully hard, but the key is it is temporary. You do have the power to make changes for you. It does help to accept your limitations, so you can begin to build up the areas that are not limited. These are the areas you will spring from as you again start filling in the pages of your life.